24·08·15

I think I'm going through a mid life crisis or something on the lines of that. I've just realised I'm nearly 30 and I can't even drive. And I don't have a career. Not even a proper education.

I've also realised life is pretty... pointless. Think how meaningless one single human is in the whole of universe? But still we have all these emotions and all this energy that is capable of so much. And what do we do with it? We use our energy and waste our lives to go to work, do laundry, clean, sleep and whine about how displeased with everything we are.

I'm bored of having it like that. I've definitely mastered talking about all the things I want to experience in life, but that's about the end of it. I never take any direction in my actions to make it reality. But at the end of the day, if I'm unhappy with any aspect of my life, why not change it? After all it's my life and it's at the end of the day only me that can make it more enjoyable.

29·07·15

Is it a good idea to make your hobby your job? I seem to be swapping hobbies here and there, but right now I've got two passions that I don't think are gonna wither away anytime soon - gaming and makeup.

When it comes to makeup, I would love to do a professional makeup course, maybe get a freelance thing going on at the side of another job.

With gaming, it's been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Even playing on my dad's computer when I was probably like 5 years old.

And if you're good, and know what you're doing, you can make money from it. There's Twitch and YouTube for example.

The question is, can I be bothered? And risking that my hobby turns into a chore?

27·07·15

On Saturday I'm going on holiday to Croatia! Eek! I can't say I'm prepared. There are lots of things I need to sort out this week.

I've not been on a holiday for a very long time. I'm both stressed and excited about it. Lots of mixed feelings. I'm most stressed about the travelling actually. I don't like travelling. I like relaxing. :P Fortunately I got some calming pills from my doctor. He's nice to me. He knows I'm suffering from anxiety and he said that even though I'm making lots of progress on my own to get through stressful situations, there's no point that I suffer so my holiday gets ruined. How very kind.

I'm also not too disappointed in the progress I've made in my mini holiday diet. It's working quite well! I think I will keep doing what I'm doing now after holiday too. It makes me feel good, have enough energy for the workouts, and let's me eat ice cream once a week and still lose weight, lol. What more can a girl want? :D

I don't know how I will be doing in Croatia though. I don't know anything about what kind of foods there will be. Hopefully something buttery! :P

13·07·15

Last week went pretty well when it came to fitness! I reached my goal of getting four workouts in for the first time in months. I was pretty sore for the whole week though... I don't know if I can do something different to recover better. I've ran out of BCAAs now though, so I don't know what effect that will have.

Eating went well too. I love LCHF because I can eat two to three meals and not be hungry. My weekly plan right now is to stick to a strict LCHF diet in the week with no nuts and no dairy apart from butter, have a carb nite (read carb binge) on Friday night, and then fat fast on Saturday and Sunday to "detox". It's working really well. We'll see for how long. :P

11·07·15

Is it just me or does the MAC Pro Longwear Concealer pump way too much product out? I always try to do like half a pump, but too much seem to come out anyway. I have to wipe some off. It seems like a waste. I like the concealer a lot, but I might have to invest in another one when this runs out because I'm not happy about wasting so much product. Whaa! Or find a way to get less out...

I also think I need to get a Beautyblender. Blending concealer with my fingers always makes a mess.

07·07·15

Whaaa! Where is this year going?! I can't believe it's July already. It's less than a month until we go on holiday -  the first one since forever. It's well overdue. Obviously I feel a little stressed about it though, just because it was such a long time ago, and it's the first holiday together for me and Tom. If you don't count going to Sweden. And you don't count going to Sweden.

I decided I'll "try" to do a mini weight loss boost now before holiday. A kind of 30 day cut lol. I started this Saturday with a fat fast, that I also did on Sunday. It felt really good actually. Almost like a detox. And now I'm eating a pretty strict keto diet, trying to cut out all dairy (apart from butter) for example.
Also gonna try my best to get my arse to the gym at least four days a week, Seriously. Time to stop being lazy. That sounds just like last minute me - "Holiday in less than a month! Aaaaah, need to lose weight!"

I've also been on a sort of creative craze lately. I've been doing cross stitching, crocheting and also colouring in. I found a really creative mandala grown up colouring book. Sounds lame but it's cool! Promise!

15·06·15

I just ended up having a really bad day today. I lost my watch! I was in a hurry for work and I put it in my pocket to put it on my wrist when I had more time. It was probably a bad idea, yes. And it doesn't take long to put on a watch anyway...

When I got to put the watch on it wasn't in my pocket anymore. I looked everywhere in both my pockets, and I emptied my bag to see if I had accidentally put it there, but it was gone.

After I got home I looked everywhere at home just to be sure, but I didn't find it. I probably lost it on the bus.

It's gone. And I'm upset. I got it from Tyler last Christmas, and I really love(d) it. Sometimes life just sucks balls.

14·06·15

So I've had a long blog break. Lots of things in life happened.

We moved house. There were lot to do in the house before it became habitable, and I had my dad and sister coming over for a visit, so that added to the stress and things to be busy with. Now we're all settled in, although there are still some things to be done in the house. But I think there will always be stuff to be done in a house, always things to improve. It's fun! :) I've been really into looking at home deco recently. There is too much nice stuff!

Next event is that I've really re-discovered cross stitching! I've been cross stitching back and forth since I was really young, and the interest for it comes and goes in waves over my life. And now I'm definitely embracing my inner granny and cross stitch all day long. I'm currently working on a piece I've had for years. I've decided I'm finally gonna finish it. And I love working on it! It's very relaxing.

I've also found this UK website called Cross Stitch Heaven that sells threads and other cross stitch supplies you might need. They provide really good service and fast delivery. Win!

21·03·15

Ow! I've been busy! And tired.

We just decided the other week that we're moving! We have for some time wanted to move because the area we live in is not ideal. Especially not our neighbours. Enough of that.

We had booked a house viewing when we found out that a relative owned a house that was empty that he was looking to rent out. We went to have a look.
And we went for it! It's got one more room than we have now. It's warmer, got a bigger garden, and the whole layout is very charming in my opinion. It's an old but sturdy house. It's got no cellar and double glazed windows, so it's warmer than our current one. It's also got wooden or laminate floors in the majority of the rooms! This is a huge thing for me being Swedish, because I hate the traditional English carpets. :P
But most importantly, the street is kind of short and it's like an off-street, so you won't be getting no traffic. You don't go down there unless you live there, so it will be quiet. And the neighbours don't seem like morons, not that we will really know until we move in. But I keep my hopes up!

So this has basically consumed my energy the last week. This together with struggling with diet again and doubting keto. I've been feeling tired physically, and I don't know why. Maybe stress. Maybe a deficiency of some sort. I had some bloods done yesterday to check mineral balance.

I'm also starting new hours at work on Monday. This is a positive thing. I will work from 12:00-16:00. This is starting and finishing two hours earlier than before, and I'm hoping it will make a huge difference in the way I stress about with Tyler in the evening. And I will be on a till. That's boring but oh so not stressy and easy. But seriously, I need a new job. I feel I need something more creative...

There are more things going on aswell, but we'll leave that for now. :P

01·03·15

Sometimes you just need to focus on the positive things when bad things happen. I watched a video by Amelia Liana on YouTube about How To Be Happy a few days ago, and it's brilliant. Even though some of these tips are simple, it's something I know I don't do on a regular basis.

The first thing she brings up is to have an "Attitude of Gratitude" and to focus on the positive things and even finding positive impacts of bad situations. This is amazing! I really want to start doing this.
I know I've been talking about wanting to keep a positive mindset, but it's very hard. So I might also start writing a Gratitude Journal where I at least write down one thing I'm grateful for at the end of every day. It's a very good idea. Then you have all the positive thoughts written down and you can go back and look on really gloomy days. :P

What brought this whole post on was my eating pattern this weekend. I'm been struggling for close to a year to not binge out on Saturdays, and lately it's even started Friday night. I know many people are struggling with this, but being like I am, I take everything to an extreme. xD

But now I'm sat here being grateful and happy with myself, because although I ate way too much food yesterday, I've took the first step towards taking control of it by not starting already on Friday. And I also didn't eat any nuts, which is a major binge trigger for me.
I know it's ridiculous, but this is a huge thing for me. And I think that instead of just expecting everything to be under control with perfect macros every Saturday, I need to take one step at a time. I'm on a journey. It might be a long one... But I don't mind, because every step in the right direction is making me grateful and happy. :)

24·02·15

I think I've just found my favourite clothing brand of life.

I've heard of this brand before and thought their clothing were cool, but I've just had a more thorough look through their stuff, and I'm in love! These clothes are just so me! It's just everything I want from clothes - different, colourful, fashionable and a little bit...psychedelic?

We don't have a store anywhere near where I live though, so I can't try the clothes on. And I suppose that's just as well, because it's way out of my price range anyway. But a girl can dream...

12·02·15

I gave myself a smaller epiphany the other day when replying to a post on a forum. It wasn't a huge enlightenment, but since then I've actually been more relaxed about way choice of way of eating and life in general.

Basically, I don't lose weight right now on keto, and I've been going back and forth with same weight +/- 4 lbs for around 6 months. It's very frustrating at times.

But then again, I didn't lose any weight on a non ketogenic diet either, and I felt so much worse back then. I sleep better now, my stomach feels better now, I think I got more energy now seen as though the induction is over. And these are the things I need to remember when I want to quit, give up and jump on next diet.

I can either feel like shit and not lose weight, or feel kinda good and not lose any. I'm sure that will come in time, but it's not what's most important right now. Feeling OK and being healthy is. I know that sounds like an excuse to someone, but I feel like this is a very good start for me.

Seriously, keto/LCHF is more of a lifestyle than a diet. And that's what's going to work in the long run.

07·01·15

Tomorrow I will will post first update for the challenge I mentioned in this post. I've had a good week so far -  been eating according to my meal plan that I got from a personal trainer a while back, and I've even been back to the gym first time since my what seems like forever long break. It felt good! I've booked Body Balance for Saturday too. Starting slowly to not wreck myself again...

I've encountered some issues with the food though. Not been eating grains for a while and now eating oats for example has really upset my stomach. I thought that my body would get used to it and settle, but it's more gone the opposite way and got worse. I even had to stay home from work today it was so bad. It's not even worth weight loss if I have to feel like this... I'll have to compromise on the meal plan.

I've actually heard that the personal trainer I was seeing has quit personal training. Which sucks because he was good. Guess I'll have to find someone else... Maybe I'll do Jamie Eason's LiveFit Trainer again. It was a while since last time. Or just do some strength basic stuff, like squats and deadlifts. I like that shit.